by Paul Bacon

WE KNOW you’re running out of hair. You’re the full-grown man wearing a baseball cap to dates, weddings and job interviews. You’re the woman brushing her hair in the ladies’ stall, masking her sobs with repeated flushes. You’re not hiding anything from us, but did you know that the cure to hair loss is hiding just below your scalp?

Recent studies by Pharmacia & Upjohn (P&U), makers of Rogaine hair regrowth treatment, suggest that you may be eligible for a drug-free, surgery-free, in fact altogether free treatment for hair loss: psychic energy.

Yes, the key to a fuller head of hair lies within your own mind. According to P&U’s study on hair regrowth, 42 percent of men and 40 percent of women can actually will their hair back. (Based on results from a control group who thought they were massaging Rogaine into their scalps for up to eight months, but were using an inert placebo.)

So if the subjects using actual Rogaine achieved only a slightly higher success rate -- 59 percent for men and women -- what’s the use? Why rub an alcohol-based solution on your head twice a day for the rest of your life when you can regrow your hair by tapping into your well of spiritual power? We sought advice from the world’s leading healers.

Amanda - telephone advisor, 
La Toya Jackson’s Psychic Network:

“Push yourself off a cliff, figuratively of course, and trust your inner guidance. Tell yourself that your hair is growing back and when possible, dream that it’s coming back. Talk to yourself all day long and really listen to what you’re saying.”

Li Ziu - Master of Feng Shui, 
a 5,000-year old Chinese discipline of arranging environmental elements to maximize personal harmony:

“Your home must arranged so that the qi, or unique frequency, of your spirit is synchronized with your surroundings. For example, if you have the qi of wood, and your bedroom is in the northwest corner of your house, which is the direction of metal, you may have problems with your head. You would have to rearrange your house to resolve this conflict. And if that does not fix it, try meditation.”

Dr. Michael Mantzaros, M.D. - 
San Francisco hair transplant surgeon

“Throughout history, the only people to never lose their hair have been eunuchs. Most men aren’t willing to take the necessary measures, but castration actually halts production of the hormone that causes male-pattern baldness. Oddly enough, it seems to be a fantastic remedy for gout.” # # #