RELATION TO KEVIN BACON:
DESCRIBE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD
UPON MOVING IN:
Skid row junkie flophouses
Glitzy men's fashion district
WHICH DO YOU PREFER?
Hard to say.
CONTENTS OF REFRIGERATOR:
(in alphabetical order)
accumulated ice, bottled water, can opener, cereal bowl, cold air,
dental floss, ear plugs, ice pack, ice trays, food, frying pan, large knife, loose
Tylenol caplets (in butter tray), old antibiotics, orphaned lids of various
sizes, Pepto Bismol chewables (in Tylenol container), red wine vinegar, red wine
vinegar-soaked paper towels, rubber bands, salsa, sauce pan, scrubbie, silverware, spatula, soggy wine cork, sponge, sprouting potato,
standing water, strainer, toothbrush,
toothpaste, water glasses, wine
I used to have a serious roach problem. Now, all that stuff's
still in there.
Articulating a single coherent thought
to the superintendent of my
Answering a ringing payphone.
Never saw "Rent."
PREVIOUS HALLOWEEN COSTUMES:
2005 - Ghost of Hunter S. Thompson
1994 - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
1990 - Homeless Kuwaiti Prince
YOUR THOUGHTS . . .
. . . ON COASTAL CITIES:
San Francisco is a carefree sailboat ride to nowhere in particular.
New York is a suicide rocket mission heading straight for the sun.
. . . ON UNBRIDLED ARROGANCE:
Let me who is without sin cast the first stone.
Duct tape is overrated.
Life before car alarms.
A HAPPY THOUGHT:
My refrigerator is full of things
I can put in my mouth.
SOME PLACES VISITED:
Australia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Barbados, Bermuda, Canada, China, Czech Republic, Egypt, England, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Hungary,
Indonesia, Israel, Japan, Jamaica, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Lebanon, Malaysia, Mexico, Netherlands, Peru, Republic of Cyprus, Russia, Singapore, Slovakia, South Korea, Taiwan, Thailand,
Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, West Bank
RESIDENCES (from birth):
Valdosta, Georgia; Cherry Point, South Carolina; Camp
Legune, North Carolina; Kaneohe, Hawai'i; Meridian, Mississippi; Pacific Palisades,
California; Bethel Island, California, Oakland, California; Lexington Park,
Maryland; Aurora, Colorado; Boulder, Colorado; Washington, D.C.; Osaka, Japan;
Tanegashima, Japan; Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia; San
Francisco, California; New York, New York;
Honolulu, Hawai'i; Haiku, Hawai'i; Wailuku, Hawai'i
Central Rail Station, Budapest
Astor Place, New York
BEST THING EVER, ANYWHERE:
(Tie): Peace of mind, elastic waistbands
(in no particular order)
Padded bicycle seats, 24-hour drug stores, Sam Donaldson's eyebrows, large mountains, Swiss Army knives, fresh-squeezed orange juice, Jodie Foster, sea lions, solar-powered calculators, triple-blade razors, hot baths, Mexican food, Korean food, food in general, friendship, "BattleBots", illustrated dictionaries, head-mounted flashlights, quiet train rides, clean socks, small but not insignificant victories, large but non-threatening dogs, laser printers, constructive criticism, amusing tombstones, grocery stores that sell beer, British shoes, surprise parties, other people's problems, two-sided tape, three-day weekends, fresh breath, inflatable mattresses, opposable thumbs, flat-screen computer displays, fast-forwarding through commercials, shade trees, turkey bacon, "The McLaughlin Group", boxer-briefs, creative shaving, topographical maps, subway maps, maps in general, moments of clarity, Nutella, goofing off, fan mail, trampolines, erasable pens, flip-flops, free speech,
books, and long lists.
To find a synonym for "thesaurus."
ANY LAST WORDS?
It is impossible to die in a surfing accident. Surfing is an accident.
Would you say a stuntman died in a stunt accident?
If God forbid someone does not return from a wave-riding session,
we should say they "died while surfing".
YOUR DESIRED EPITAPH:
"He never lost his wallet or got
locked out of his apartment."
BRUSH WITH FAME:
World Chess Grand Master
for a photograph
York City, 2000