With big green letters in the upper left corner, the TV said, STOP.

I must have hit the wrong button, I told myself, then got up and took the call. A moment later, I returned to my perch and hit "Play" on the remote.

STOP, said the TV.

I hit "Play" again.

STOP, it said again.

Once more: "Play."

I SAID STOP IT!

I turned off the television, then turned it on again, but that didn't help.

I'M NOT A COMPUTER, said the TV, now displaying only green letters. The rest of the screen was blank.

I hit "Play" again.

HEY, NO MORE THAN FOUR HOURS A DAY...HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU?

I straightened my arm and angrily thumbed into the keypad, 9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9. If there'd been an exclamation point button, I'd have used it at the end.

DON'T GET THAT WAY WITH ME...YOU WANT ME TO EAT THIS RENTED VIDEO? 1 - FOR YES, 2 - FOR NO.

"2," I replied.

I DIDN'T THINK SO...YOU'VE GOT FIVE MINUTES LEFT, THEN GET YOUR ASS TO WORK.

I finished my daily viewing, then fell asleep.

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